Elf on the Shelf? Nope. Elf in the Cell

Suffolk County Sheriff Errol D. Toulon, Jr. made it clear Tuesday that not even an elf on the shelf can get away with misbehaving this holiday week.

His office issued a tongue-in-cheek announcement that, after spotting social media reports about the elf  allegedly destroying kitchen countertops, making messes in bathrooms, and swinging from chandeliers, the serial criminal was caught in the act of attempting to refile important paperwork in the wrong cabinets in Toulon’s office. He was, the office said, charged with 439 counts of attempting to distract the sheriff from his duties and 439 counts of third-degree silly mischief.

The office has been tracking social media reports of the elf’s crime spree since early December.

 “Everyone knows that you can’t touch the Elf on the Shelf. Deputies making the arrest had to ask the Elf to apply the handcuffs to himself. He then was transported to the jail in the glove compartment so he couldn’t slip out the window. The Elf is now under COVID-19 quarantine for 14 days and has been issued two tiny face masks.”

Deputies were unsure whether the Elf found in Toulon’s office is the same Elf accused of the mischief occurring in households throughout the county, his office said. Questioned by investigators, the Elf just stared back blankly  and refused to speak or move. However, when the investigators left the interrogation room and returned a few minutes later, the Elf had spilled coffee all over the table and was sitting on the top of the door frame.

He will be placed under constant observation.

The Elf has already retained legal counsel, a Mr. Rudolph R. Reindeer, Esq., who stated, “This poor elf has been framed. He was just trying to help children follow the rules and be good boys and girls before Christmas. He is employed at the North Pole and reports back to his employer, Mr. Chris Kringle, about whether or not the children have been behaving. Why would he misbehave himself?”

A court date has yet to be determined. For more information, and to follow this case, visit the Suffolk County Sheriff’s Office on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. 



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